My 57 yr old Dad was diagnosed 17months ago
with glioblastoma multiforme - the worst type of brain cancer you can
get. He was given 2years max to live and stripped of nearly all hope.
He was diagnosed 1 week after the long
awaited birth of his first grandchild. Intense Joy turned to complete
disbelief and shock. Worlds turned upside down and inside out.
The last year and a half has been an intense
emotional journey of love, pain, sadness and struggle, but still my
brave Dad fights on.
After radiotherapy, major brain surgery and
chemotherapy, the tumor in his left temporal lobe returned within
More chemotherapy and another major brain
surgery and the dreaded aggressive tumor grew back after only 3weeks!
Shocked, scared and still recovering from
his second surgery he was scheduled in, and endured his third major
brain surgery within 1year.
Its been 4months since his 3rd operation and
had been doing fairly well after having treatments of Avastin.....
though the cost is killing us.
Last night he was taken to emergency with
swelling. Round 4..... how much more can his body take? The human body
never ceases to amaze me.
This cancer is debilitating, aggressive and
shows no mercy, but still he fights on with an enormous amount of inner
strength that makes me so proud. Always trying to be strong and protect
his family from his pain.
Through tears and heartache I watch his
daily struggle and hope with all my heart for a medical breakthrough or
a miracle of some sort before its too late.....wondering how long we
have, what will come next, but putting on a brave face like I see he
does, in the shadow of his his pain and confusion.
I see his physical pain. His bodies
weakness, his minds confusion, his inability to speak feelings, his
independence and dignity fading a little each day. I feel his sadness
and regrets and wish I could heal his mind as much as his body..... but
all I can do is be there for him, spend time, talk, research and
advocate...try and understand the jawful ourey he is experiencing.
This is a hard road and so much of the time
I just want it to be over, but over means death, and then thats a whole
different journey.... just as hard or harder than this one. I try and
remember how many other people in the world are going through similar
journeys. It helps to know you are not alone.... though I would never
wish this dreaded disease on anyone.
My Dads cancer has not come without
gifts.... though sometimes they are hard to see in the immensity of it
all. It has taught me alot about my dad, my family and the importance of
appreciating every day you have with your loved ones. It has also given
way to an enormous and beautiful influx of caring and kindness from
friends, family, health professionals and strangers.
As hard as it has been, It has opened my
eyes to a wonderful sense of faith and goodness in this crazy world we
Married over 30yrs, mum has shown the most
tremendous amount of inner strength she never knew she had. Giving up
work to care for my Dad 24/7, she is a selfless and amazing woman who
despite being terrified of a future without him has carried on through
each day, diagnosis, symptom, emergency visit, personality change,
emotion, frustration and doctor appoinment with determination and hope.
My Dad has struggled through many hard roads
in his life so is really good at being tough and brave. Even though he
is obviously scared and suffering he tells us he is 'fine' and calmly
takes each operation, chemo treatment and deficit in his stride. I love
him so much, my heart is breaking.... I wake up each day, fingers
crossed and hopeful for the future. Hope is what gets us all through.
For all those out there who are on, or
have fought through this journey or something similar, my heart goes out
to you. Show your love, say what you need to say and enjoy every
precious moment. Try and let happiness touch your lives in every moment
you can..... and remember you always have hope.